for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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