i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
