I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
