Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i drank out of a bidet.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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