just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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