discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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