i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
