Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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