bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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