Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
