does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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