This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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