he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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