you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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