I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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