im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
another moral hangover. fuck.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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