Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
