Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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