does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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