so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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