the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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