I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual