I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!