Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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