Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"