I puked a lego.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.