im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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