i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
