You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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