my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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