Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im on a boat
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