she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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