rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
