I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
