I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
