This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
