who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
