Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
being pregnant is like rehab
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
