i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
