margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
