eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
