we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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