I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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