Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
