I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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