I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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