i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
