Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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