Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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