I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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