mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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