Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
