last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
someone owes me an orgasm
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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