The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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