Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
