I can tuck mytits in my pants
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
