My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Someone signed my nipple.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
