Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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