he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
