So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
