Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
