You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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